‘No’ means no, not neglected

I am not overly demanding. My needs and wants are legitimate. They are real and not childish. They are reasonable.

So what’s the problem?

PROBLEM: I am completely irrational. 
CAUSE: I’m not used to hearing ‘no’.

When I know what I want, I ask for it. Not only that, though, I expect ‘yes’. I expect compliance.  The asking is just a formality. Something I do so I don’t seem like a brat. This is not a request. This is a direct order: love me as I want to be loved. Do this. Do this regardless of your own wants, needs or obligations. If not, I get upset. Hurt. I think you don’t care. I feel alone.

What rational human being would react like that? GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

Don’t worry, I’m working on it. This girl is under construction.

Ultimatium

I need to know that I’m enough. That I’m a priority. That I matter.
Because if I’m not, then I shouldn’t be here.

I need to know that we’re worth fighting over. Getting behind and sticking by.
Because if we’re not, then why am I here?

I need to feel appreciated. Loved. Cherished. Respected. Wanted.
Because if I’m don’t, then I’m lost.

I need to feel happy. Like you’re the center of my world and I’m at the heart of yours. Like every move we make, every decision and action and feeling is done in tandem.
Because if I don’t, then who do I have?

We need to find a way to communicate. Get on the same page. Trash the insensitivity. And over-sensitivity. Understand each other’s strengths, weaknesses, heartaches, tones, needs and aspirations. And find where we fit together.
Because if we don’t, then we’re lost

We’re lost and we’re losing. We’re loving, but our love means nothing, is worth nothing without the financial backing of honesty, trust and mutual respect.

I want to be worth something. To you. To just you. To only you. He has given me life to live, and I want you in it. He has given me time to spend, and I spare no expense on you. He has given me my breath to breathe, my love to lose and my self to give and it’s all yours.

He has given me a choice to choose, and I’ve place my wavering trust in you.

We need to find a way to make this work. To function and feel and fall and love and learn and keep and grow and know… that we’re worth it.
Because if we don’t, then we’ve lost.

I Am a Mind Reader

If you won’t listen to me, then maybe you’ll read me

It shouldn’t be this hard to be with someone

You make me feel so bad about myself, as a person not aesthetically. Like a trophy, pretty and earned but good for nothing.

I’m not available at the exact moment you need me, so now you don’t want me. I missed my cue, and now I’m thrown out of the show we’ve put on for months. Hope you find a good understudy

I can’t and don’t feel comfortable expressing how I feel, because you get hurt that I’m hurt. You’re angry that I’m angry. You’re upset because you’ve caused my unhappiness from your own thoughtlessness and somehow now I’m the one apologizing. It’s my fault. I’m sorry. You’re right.

You were supposed to be my different. My change. And you are. And you have nothing else to say to me.