One of the hardest discoveries I’ve come across lately comes courtesy of love. Who knew that I am so easily dismissed? I’m not angry or mad or hurt. More bothered if anything. And more bothered with myself than with you. We’ve come so far and have painstakingly built this relationship filled to the brim with love. But every so often, I catch a glimpse of who you are…and I’m reminded...
I don’t even know why I wasted my breath trying to explain to you where I was coming from. I guess I just wanted to make sure you knew the effort I was putting forth to make time for us…in hopes that you would care to return the gesture. And I’m bothered by the fact that as you are so quick to dismiss me, I’m guilty of the same action. How can I expect you to think of my feelings when I don’t even think of them?
I wanted to get mad. I wanted to be upset. I wanted so badly to start a fight with you, and prove to you how you’re wrong and I’m right. But in all honesty, I just couldn’t. You were already mad at me, so even if I did try to start a discussion on the topic, it’d turn into a yelling match and you’d hang up on me…I’d start crying…blah blah blah… So I kept my mouth shut and let you have your way.
I want so badly to know where I stand with you, but I’m so scared that if you tell me honestly, it may not be at the level I’d like. I have a feeling I’m right. I know I’m right. I guess in the words of my dear Whitney Houston, it’s not right, but it’s ok.
Why? Because I love you. All of you. And that overrides everything. I love you just that much more than you love me. I give just that much more for you. And however, unhappy I may get, there is no one in the world that can make me happier than you. And it’s no comparison of how unhappy I would be without you. I may want more, but right now all I really need is you.
